You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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