I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You did what with his pubic hair?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
