Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
