see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am one with the molecules
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
