Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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