you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
ok first of all what the fuck
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
