I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
