If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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