she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
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