She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
