I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
