I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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