hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
