I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
