I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
