My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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