I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
