Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
