it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
