i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
