I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Drunk is not a location!
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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