Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
