if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
