something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
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