I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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