Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
