I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
