All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
