we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
