Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
