what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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