I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
