there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
