everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
