____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
