That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
