Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
