Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Drunk is not a location!
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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