so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
