Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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