Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
