I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Randomize
