apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
