I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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