I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
It's rum buckets o'clock
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
