"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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