I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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