Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Acid is not a monday night drug
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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