Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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