am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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