sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
