he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
