Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
