Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
