She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
