he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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