I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
