Say something about gay babies.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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