Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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