Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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