if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
