first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
