dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
